Jennifer Aniston Cures Heartbreak with Gigantic Trouser Torpedo

How do you cope when your handsome movie-star husband leaves you for the world's most desirable woman and immediately starts collecting babies and vowing to save the entire world with his lone, muscular hand? Certainly not by shacking up with a schlubby co-star suffering from a constant case of beer bloat. No, the only thing that cure those ills is a big, huge dong. It'll knock the heartache right outta you. The New York Daily News reported recently:

You wouldn't expect Jennifer Aniston to be giddy like a schoolgirl these days. Not with the news that ex Brad Pitt and his baby-machine girlfriend Angelina Jolie are pumping out twins in a couple of weeks. But the former "Friend" has been glowing of late, pals of the actress tell us.

"She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character," said one spy.

The reason can't just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson's sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner's ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he's a great guy, but because he's a "great" guy, if you know what we mean.

"His body actually is a wonderland," one ex was overheard saying.

And today Showbiz Spy brings us this tale:

Jennifer Aniston has told friends John Mayer is a better lover than her ex-husband Brad Pitt.

The former ‘Friends’ actress, 39, is reportedly more impressed by her sex life with Mayer than with previous partners Vince Vaughn and Brad Pitt.

A source told the National Enquirer, “Jennifer is calling John the best ever lover.

“In fact, she can’t stop raving about his skills between the sheets - insisting the sex with him is way better than it was with Brad during their four-and-a-half-year marriage.”

Jennifer’s romance with the ‘No Such Thing’ hitmaker is said to be helping her finally get over her 2005 divorce from Pitt.

“Only now, in John’s arms, does she look even close to finally putting Pitt in the past tense,” added the source.

Girl, that's weak. Sure, getting regular servicing by a Diggler dick will put a smile on your face, but the only way to truly get over her past loves is for Jen to go on Access Hollywood and proclaim that Vince Vaughn has the permanent stench of ball sweat and that Brad Pitt has a Q-tip wang. Everyone knows that Angelina has the dick in that relationship anyway.


Aniston shows some mamiston and asston at MrSkin.com.