John Mayer Sheds Light on Aniston Dumpation

Johniston, we hardly knew ye. One minute, Celebrity Couple A is so in love and planning a family. The next, the male portion of Celebrity Couple A is giving long-winded, self-fellating "I'm just a PERSON, dammit" statements to random photographers. Welcome to love and romance amongst famous people. In lieu of releasing a classy, carefully-worded statement via his rep, John Mayer has instead opted to wax poetic on his breakup with Jennifer Aniston to photographers. According to Just Jared:

John on why he broke up with Jen: “People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. It’s not about years, it’s about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out.”

On his breakup being completely normal: “There’s no lying, there’s no cheating, there’s no nothing. I’m sorry that the story’s not interesting. But it’s about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she’s great.”

On setting the record clear about Jen: “If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody. Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met.”

Oh, would you like some Tarn-X for that shining armor, John? Watch you don't strain your lats giving yourself that hearty pat on the back, pal. Jennifer refuses to comment on the split, being sophisticated and all, but a friend told MSNBC:

“Jen was tired of paying for everything. Cobwebs come flying out of (Mayer's) wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her . . . Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her.”

More random sources should use arcane cartoon imagery when snitching to the media. Next time, make anvils fall on John's head!



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