Jenna Fischer: delightful funny lady, star of The Office, sex object to Fark-posting, World of Warcraft-obsessed dorks the planet over. She seems very sweet and all, with her girl-next-door face and her soft voice and her bad Pam hair, but cross her, and you might get a stream of angry urine right in the eye! Jenna recently gave an interview to Playboy in which she related the following tale of meeting a sleazoid playwright/screenwriter named Shem Bitterman at a party:
"I had been living in Los Angeles for about a year and was a member of a theatre company. One night, after a play, I went to a party and ran into the playwright.
"He said, 'What's your story?' I said, 'I'm from St. Louis. I just got here. I want to be an actress.'
"He said, 'I'm writing a film, and I think you'd be great for it. But I have a question for you – would you ever do a raunchy sex scene in a movie? Like really raunchy, with nudity?' "I kind of laughed and said, 'Well, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't be proud to show my parents.' And he said, 'Well, you're not a real actress, then.' I was stunned.
"He said, 'A real actress would say yes. A real actress would piss herself onstage if that's what it took. Sylvester Stallone did porn . . . Shelley Winters pissed herself onstage. Every play, every movie I write has nudity in it. You know why? Because that's how I know if I'm working with real actors. You're not a real actress. You should just go home. You don't have what it takes.'
"I went home and cried and cried and cried. What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."
We were wondering what kind of harrowing stories of raunchy sexual onstage peeing this Shem Bitterman was responsible for, so we checked out his rÈsumÈ on IMDb and found out that he not only penned the touching, award-winning script for Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, but his current outing, a comedy called Play Dead, is full of real actors. Real actors who would get raunchy and naked onscreen. Real actors who would happily and graciously befoul themselves for their art. Real actors named Jake Busey and Fred Durst. Truly, it takes a man who penned the songs "Nookie" and "Stink Finger" to successfully bring your dramatic vision to the big screen.
More sexiness from Jenna Fischer at MrSkin.com.
