January Jones Says, “Suck on These, Joanie!”

You know how sometimes the younger sister ends up being the wild one? The older sister gets to do everything first, sure, but then the younger one gets so overcome with jealousy that she’s all, “Yeah, sis, you think you’re better than me cause you can smoke pot and give blowjobs? I’ll show you. I’ll pick up a meth habit and start doing amateur gang bang porn. Who’s the grownup now?” January Jones is that younger sister, at least in terms of breasts. For three seasons now she’s been hearing all about Christina Hendricks and her magnificent breasts. It’s all Joanie’s titties this, and Joanie’s titties that. But what about Betty? Doesn’t she deserve some attention too? That’s why January is on the cover of GQ with her yams hanging half out. Because in the real world, where she’s (presumably) not spending her days fretting about Jell-O molds and the perfect temperature to cook a rump roast, she doesn’t have to hide her maracas behind those prim ’60s frocks. She can let them fly free! Fly, little birdies! Sing you sweet teat tweets from every newsstand in the land!

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