A Cousin Comes to Sean P and JJ

If you are a female and your last name is Spears, it's pretty safe to say that you are more fecund than a cornfield in Iowa. Barely sixteen years old, Nickelodeon star/Britney sis Jamie Lynn Spears has confirmed that she is pregnant. And she's made up her mind, she's keepin' her baby, so Papa don't preach. The father is named Casey Aldridge–he's 19 and she met him at church. Nothing like the smell of incense and the thrum of a congregation singing "Be Thou My Vision" to really make those teenage hormones burble and churn. Jamie Lynn and her mother gave an exclusive interview to OK! mag in which they tell the tale of innocence lost and semen ejaculated. Yahoo! quotes:

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," [Jamie Lynn] said. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she told the magazine. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

After she found out from a doctor that she was pregnant, she said, "I took two weeks to myself where I didn't tell anybody. Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone's opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me," she said.

Spears broke the news to her mother, Lynne, just before Thanksgiving, the magazine reported.

"She was very upset because it wasn't what she expected at all," Spears said. "A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive."

Lynne Spears, already grandmother to Britney's young sons, told the magazine: "I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

And therein lies the essence of the Spears girls and their fertility issues. It appears that when Lynne sat them down for "the talk", she told them that babies come from missing curfews. "Babies, when the clock strikes 11:30, you best be home in your waterbed, otherwise the Purple Pie Man will come and put a Cabbage Patch Kid in your tummy!" And then she bared her teeth and fashioned her hands into makeshift claws to really drive the point home. Little did Lynne know just how much Britney and Jamie Lynn really wanted Cabbage Patch Kids, though. And now look. Just look. A fine mess you've gotten us into, Lynne Spears.