Toothy Tile To Reproduce?

We're pretty certain that this story is about as truthful as Green Eggs and Ham, but it's still pretty damned amusing. Because while we don't doubt Jake Gyllenhaal's desire for dong, we do doubt that he'd be willing to face the career consequences of having a baby with his gay lover. Currently that's only acceptable for lesbians. And only hot lesbians. If there were a celeb lesbian couple who looked like Della Reese and Minnie Pearl, we're guessing America wouldn't be too keen on their gay love child either. Anyway, a source told former Hollywood publicist, current sensationalist blogger Jonathan Jaxson:

Jake Gyllenhaal has been dating the same guy for years. Last year Jake and his bf were arrested and brought into the West Hollywood station after the sheriffs office was called after catching Jake and his bf having sex in an SUV behind the restaurant Chin Chins in LA. Both were later released.

Jake has been dating this guy for years, even before he broke up with Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst found out about his bf and confronted him at Chateau Marmont. The confrontation was loud and they broke up right there. News of their break-up followed a few days later. Jake and his bf are currently expecting a baby through a surrogate. They used a company based in Westwood, CA. The baby is due in September.

I'm pretty surprised you haven't heard. It's the worst kept secret in Hollywood. Jake publicly walks around holding hands and kissing his bf in public on both coasts and even vacations with him. Pictures have even circulated around the internet. I've seen them.

We're not naive. We know that roughly 87% of Hollywood is gayer than a hot-pink leopard-print settee in Sigfried and Roy's drawing room. But we're also pretty sure that most of those people want to seem manly and virile and able to lift a horse above their heads with one hand while chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels with the other. That's how they trick fat Midwestern housewives into seeing their films and exclaiming to all their friends, "Oh, he's just so handsome!"