If Only She'd Dressed Like This a Year Ago, Maybe She'd Still Be Married

If you're Denise Richards and you desperately–desperately–want the media to leave you alone and let you live your more-dramatic-than-a-day-in-Port-Charles life, what do you do? Pack up the kids and hide out at a luxury spa in Saskatchewan? Or get engaged to your also-still-legally-married boyfriend and then dress up like a transvestite hooker and prance around a Las Vegas stage with other similarly-clad "women"? We're gonna have to go with the latter.

So the thing about the engagement, we're not sure it's real. According to TMZ:

Denise Richards arrived at LAX yesterday sporting a ring on her left ring finger, leaving everyone wondering if she and her boyfriend, Richie Sambora, are engaged.

But denials abound, so who knows what's going on. Maybe Denise just hasn't learned the difference between right and left yet and put the ring on the wrong finger. Meanwhile she's been talking to the press about how much she wishes the press would leave her alone. She told Entertainment Tonight:

I was so thankful that Angelina had that baby. And how gorgeous is she? I'm like, please have that baby so it takes it away from us!

We're really convinced that Denise is sick of all the attention. What really persuaded us was the full-page ad she took out in the L.A. Times that read, "Dear paparazzi, Please stop following me and taking my picture. If I see a single one of you trying to photograph me while I eat dinner at Koi at 7 p.m. on Thursday night I will cry and I will never, ever be your friend. Love, Denise Richards."
Also on Denise's camera-evading schedule was a tramped-up performance with The Pussycat Dolls in Las Vegas. Apparently One of Charlie Sheen's hooker friends left behind a couple outfits the last time Denise was away on business or visiting a tummy-tuck specialist in Tucson or whatever rich, idle people do.

At this point we wouldn't put it past Denise to have a second head surgically implanted on her shoulder and yell at photogs and reporters, "Stop staring at me! I'm just trying to live a normal life! Why won't you people leave me alone?"
You can see more pictures of Denise the Pussycat Doll here and here.

But if nudity is more your speed, you can see Denise naked at MrSkin.com.