When you think of John Mayer, obviously you say, “That guy isn’t having enough sex. He should totally slut it up more.” Oh, that’s not what you think? You’re wondering about whether or not his wang is covered in sores and/or creepy little insects and then you’re imagining him sticking it in Jessica Simpson’s bunghole? Hmmm. Maybe it’s just John who thinks he’s not porking enough ladies. He said (via PopEater).
It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble.
I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.
I should be having sex with more girls.
Now that John has realized that preying on the sad, sad brokenhearted celebrities who keep tabloids in business (Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston) isn’t all he is capable of, look for him anywhere a dumped lady is crying to her girlfriends over a glass of chardonnay. “Hello, I’m John Mayer, and I’d like to fuck you this evening. Do you mind if I tweet while I’m penetrating you?”
We like tweeting too. And we’re usually not screwing while we do it. Usually.
