"Don't take my blooming picture, bloke, or I shall have no option but to hurl this take away of beans at you. And if that doesn't teach you a lesson I will proceed with fish and chips and bangers and mash until you end up arse over tit."
This may one of our favorite stories ever. After, perhaps, Paris Hilton being repeatedly bitten by her pet kinkajou or Britney Spears wanting to study forensic science. Take it away, FemaleFirst:
Hugh Grant hurled a tub of baked beans at a photographer yesterday (24.04.07).The actor was walking near his West London home at 10am and lashed out when a photographer asked if he could take his picture.
The star allegedly kicked him three times and kneed him near the groin.
Photographer Ian Whittaker, 43, said: "It looked like he had been out for a morning jog. I asked him if he would give me a smile because he was standing with his head down. But he must have been having a bad day because he started chasing me down the street.
"He gave me a couple of kicks in the legs and I think he kneed me."
Whittaker described how the 'Music and Lyrics' star then picked up a takeaway container full of beans and threw it at him.
The photographer also claimed 46-year-old Hugh – who recently split from his girlfriend Jemima Khan – launched into a tirade of abuse aimed at his children.
Whittaker said: "When I told him I had two children, he snarled, 'I hope they die of f***ing cancer'.
"That really upset me and is why I went to the police to make a complaint of assault against him. He was out of order."
Metropolitan police confirmed last night that the incident had been reported and they were planning to question Hugh on the matter.
We're a bit confused about the sequence of events here, so we'll try to break it down. Scene: A London street. Players: Hugh Grant, attired in running clothes, probably rather sweaty; Ian Whittaker, complete with big, flashy paparazzo camera. Whittaker approaches Grant, says, "I would be much obliged if you would allow me to take your photograph, as you are such a handsome man." Grant probably says something along the lines of "I'm too sweaty, piss off, wanker," then starts kicking the (surely completely polite and proper) pap. Then, not satisfied with his shin bashing, Grant surveys his surroundings for props. Spotting a convenient take away carton, he grabs it and throws, and as the beans pelt Whittaker's frame the photog pleads, "Please, sir, I have two children. They will surely laugh at my indignity and then pick the beans out of my hair for their supper. We are rather poor, see." And naturally Grant responds, "I hope they die of fucking cancer," because merciful cancer deaths would me more endurable than eating Daddy's dandruff-covered beans. See, Hugh's just a stand up chap who has the children's feelings at heart. That, or he's just a total prick. Whichever.
UPDATE: TMZ has wonderful, beany pics!
