Wednesday afternoon everyone thought Madonna had adopted an African orphan in some sort of "I'm a bigger star than you, bitch" challenge to Angelina Jolie. But then it turned out she hadn't. She's just visiting. But she might have tried a few on for size, thought they made her butt look too fat, and returned them to the rack.
We don't pay much attention to celebrities' humanitarian efforts, because look what all that attention did to Bono. But we do think that someone who could rake in upwards of $10 million for recording her flatulence (and you know you'd buy Madonna's album C'mon Fart) should definitely use some of it to feed starving orphans. It's way better than picking up that pricy bathing in Evian habit or building a 3000 square foot palace for your puggle. Madonna's not quite committed enough to buy the tykes Big Macs and Twinkies, but she is willing to give them clean water. Page Six reports:
Not only is Madonna planning to spend $3 million helping orphans in Malawi – she's going to turn the African children onto Kaballah, the mystical Jewish sect that boasts its own brand of spiritual water. Madonna wants some of her money to go for drilling wells so the orphans will have clean water and no longer suffer from dysentery and waterborne parasites. "Water is the purest expression of God's sharing essence," our spy said. "The water will be Kaballah water."
But the best part of the story came next:
Her publicist, Liz Rosenberg, said she's "involved in the building of an orphanage/child care center," but reiterated that Madonna was just window-shopping when she checked out the orphans there yesterday: "She has not adopted a baby boy as has been previously and incorrectly reported."
She was window shopping? For children? We found this hard to believe until we saw the following photo:
We can hear Madge now: "This one appears to have some scabbing behind the ear. Take him back and bring me another. And for God's sake, clean them up before you hand them over for inspection."
Did you know that Madge rhymes with vadge? Did you also know that both are at MrSkin.com?
