Here Comes the Botox

For the past week or two all we heard about was the impending wedding of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. And we really didn't care. So what's changed now that they have officially become international superstar and househusband? Nothing really, but as that was really the only thing that happened over the weekend, we thought we'd suck it up for you, our wedding-obsessed wrapped-up-in-lace-with-a-bow-on-top super gay readers. Oh wait, our readers are pervy dirty old men who like to look at twenty-year-old celebrity nipples. Well, fuck, it's too late to find a new story now.

We saw these pictures of the newlyweds and thought, "Awww, don't they look cute and happy and in love with their matching highlights and wrinkle-free foreheads and super pointy noses." Then we were able to look past the artificial sparkle atop Nicole's eyes and see the evil gleam held within. A gleam that says, "I will destroy all I pass until I reach my final destination, the as-yet-unseen Suri (No Middle Name) Cruise. And I will use this man to take the fall, so that I may continue my life unbounded until my face begins to shatter and I am forced to play out the final scenes of Death Becomes Her." She didn't escape her first marriage without a few tricks up her sleeve. Ten years of pretending to love the teeny weenis of Satan's most devoted minion can really have an effect on a girl.
Oh, yeah, we heard that Marcia Cross got hitched this weekend too, but we lost interest after we spent fifteen minutes trying to come up with a word for the male equivalent of a beard. We got stuck thinking maybe it would be muff, but then we just lost ourselves in giggles and couldn't think of anything else to say on the subject of the Desperate Housewife's union.
Nicky is naked at MrSkin.com.

And since Marcia seems to do everything Nicole does, she's naked there too.