Heather Graham Is Learning to Fly but She Ain't Got Wings

The other day we were yammering on about Heather Graham's awesome blammos. And today she's all like, "Yeah? You like that? Well, get a load of my mind. It'll freak you the fuck out. Seriously." That's because she's yammering on about learning to levitate so she can go all Spider-Man and fly around the world and save people from murder and shit. That's deep, man. In addition to talking about her love of tantric sex and how she would have made a terrible nun (which she really needn't have pointed out, in light of the tantric sex thing), she also revealed her life goal to The Daily Mail:

My next ambition is to teach myself to levitate. So far I've only succeeded in my dreams. I practice transcendental meditation and there is a phase where you're meant to lift off the ground. It hasn't happened yet. I'll manage it one day. In fact, I'm aiming beyond levitation. I want to be able to fly like a superhero. I won't be happy until I can fly across oceans and cities, saving people from being murdered.

We'll grant Heather that being able to fly would definitely be helpful when saving people from imminent danger such as murder, but there's a bit more to it than that, right? Like, you know, superhuman strength, or maybe the ability to stop bullets with your bare hands. Were magical flying Heather Graham just to drop in on a would-be murder victim who was facing, say, half a dozen armed, muscular thugs, we don't think the ability to fly would really get her anywhere. Sure, the thugs would be all, "Dude, that's cool, how'd you do it? Can you teach me how to fly? It would really help me with my breaking-and-entering business if I could just go in through a skylight." But then after the thugs shot and robbed the victim anyway, they'd probably kidnap Heather and torture her flying secrets out of her. Maybe she should think this whole venture through a little more, maybe add some body building and gun handling classes to her plan.