"Have You Raped a Baby?"

In our last episode of Jenna Elfman: Batshit Scientology Warrior, we left our hero on the streets of Los Angeles, searching for body thetans and eradicating them with her state-of-the-art Hubbardian brand photon laser gun. In today's episode, Jenna Elfman will attempt to free the streets from the widespread scourge of baby rape.

We're going to take a break for a few minutes while TMZ tells you a tale of the power of Scientological convictions:

Indie film director John Roecker tells TMZ he was walking to his car with a female friend in LA's trendy Los Feliz neighborhood last Sunday when he was approached by a shirtless man and a tall blonde. "Hey, man, you're making fun of my religion," said the stranger angrily.
Roecker quickly recognized the couple as actor Bodhi Elfman and his wife, 'Dharma and Greg' star Jenna Elfman. Mr. Elfman's ire was apparently drawn by Roecker's self-made t-shirt, which had a picture of Tom Cruise on the front under the caption "Scientology is Gay!" and a 'Stayin'-Alive'-era John Travolta on the back with the words "Very Gay!" For the record, both Cruise and Travolta have said repeatedly they are not gay.
According to Roecker, whose encounter was first reported on LA's KROQ-FM's Kevin and Bean Show, the invective started to fly after he made several references to Scientology theology and its reported central tenant, the story of Xenu.
Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said "What crimes have you committed?" and began screaming at Roecker, "Have you raped a baby?" as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic.

We're not sure how much Jenna Elfman knows about this John Roecker character (who's only film credit is as the writer and director of something called Live Freaky Die Freaky), but maybe she has some inside information. Maybe there was a breach of security at the Cruise compound and some hardcore baby rape occurred. Perhaps there's a serious and unfortunate reason why baby Suri has not yet made a public appearance. And in an effort to track down the perpetrator, the Church of Scientology is sending a few of their slightly famous yet free-time surplused adherents onto the streets of L.A. to question suspicious persons on the subject of baby rape and evaluate their responses. Expect to see such semi-noteworthy visages as TV's Parker Lewis, Edgar Winter, and Chick Corea scouring the streets and doing their best Sam Spade impressions.
Looking at sexy pictures of Jenna at MrSkin.com might not help stop baby rape, but it can't hurt either.