Happy Belated Birthday, K-Hole? Maybe?

What in the… ? Who in the… ? Guh… huh? What? WHAT?!?!?

We’re not sure what kind of crazy hoodoo Scientology ritual is being depicted here, but we do know this much: it involves Tom Cruise shoving an ice pick into the back of an on-fire Katie Holmes’s head while she attempts to give a BJ to an e-meter.
You can quote us on that.