Gisele Bundchen has .2% body fat, billions of dollars, an enviably husky voice, Brazilian citizenship, and a face that looks like it was carved by Michelangelo himself. What an asshole. Also, she beats everyone in the pregnancy department. US quotes the supermodel as saying she didn’t even wear maternity clothes:
“I kept myself in good shape throughout the pregnancy. I gained a little, but I kept using almost the same clothes, with minor adjustments to close in the belly.”
And according to our own personal gossip doula, Female First, Gisele gave birth to son Benjamin in a bathtub, sans drugs:
“It didn’t hurt in the slightest. The whole time my mind was focused in each contraction on the thought, ‘My baby is closer to coming out.’ It wasn’t like, ‘This is so painful.’”
Plus, the baby came out fully potty-trained. And instead of disgusting afterbirth and blood, only the richest chocolate mousse and a pleasant smell of honeysuckle and fresh persimmon was emitted from her body. Also, she did a triathlon while giving birth. And won.
4 Comments
ha! Freaking hilarious. Gisele turns my stomach so thanks mightily for this ….
Amazing! A pregnant woman gave birth! To a child. That is totally fresh and new–to her and no one else.
Right. And I’m the pope! Let’s all assume just the opposite. She’s bitchy, blown and bitter.
she’s awesome. suck it.