With a tongue as storied as the Excalibur in the stone, you'd expect Gene Simmons to make good use of it during the act of coitus. But you'd be wrong, as this chilling new sex tape (link NSFW, friends) confirms. It depicts the Kiss bassist Porky Piggin' it in just a T-shirt, injecting a pigtailed, besiliconed energy drink spokesmodel with his Love Gun. We suppose that after allegedly boffing over 2000 women or whatever, sex becomes as mechanical as what you see depicted here. Though we are impressed with the rather inspired choice of "I Want to Know What Love Is" as the background song. Personally, were we to be hitting the sheets with Simmons, we would have gone with something off Foreigner 4, perhaps "Jukebox Hero". Or, judging from the woman's rather repulsed reaction to Simmons, "Urgent".
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While those cans are amazing – almost too amazing – I'd much rather see a sex tape that included Shannon Tweed. Though Simmons boinking Tweed may be academic after she sees this.