Feeling Minnesota (and Each Other)

The media likes to focus on the unlovableness of Jennifer Aniston, but honestly, let’s not forget Cameron Diaz. She’s long in the tooth in Hollywood years, insiders say her pustules rival a 9th grade boy’s, and she hasn’t had a long-term relationship since Justin Timberlake. But that all might change, because she went on a date! With Johnny Utah! The Sun reports:

CAMERON DIAZ has been spotted on a date with Speed star KEANU REEVES. The couple dined together at a secluded restaurant in Los Angeles before heading off to a cinema until the early hours.

An onlooker at low-key eatery the Whisper Lounge in Los Angeles said of Cameron and Keanu: “They looked very cozy. Cameron was stuffing her burger in her mouth and playing up the fact that she has that wide mouth. Keanu was laughing – it was strange to see him giggling like that as he’s regarded as a bit serious.”

Well, we thought this sounded pretty innocent and friendly until we got to the burger part. You don’t attempt a move like cramming an entire cheeseburger into your maw unless you mean business. Sex business. It’s the equivalent of eating an entire pizza or crushing a beer can on your head. Or setting your farts on fire, a little move I like to call The Panty Obliterator.

Hey. Hey. Hey you. Hey. Hey. Follow us on Twitter.