Engagements and Disengagements of the Non-stars, with Special Guest Mischa Barton

Surely you are familiar with the name Mischa Barton. She's on that show that's like 90210 but not, and with better and more expensive clothes; she enjoys throwing lawn furniture into pools and pretending she's a lesbian. And if you like truly heinous music you may be familiar with her current paramour, Cisco Adler. He was once engaged to Kimberly Stewart, who sprang forth from the loins of Rod Stewart, some old dude that ladies in the '70s thought was sexy. But now Cisco is engaged to Mischa and Kimberly has ended her two-week engagement to some guy who's even less famous than Cisco.

We told you about the engagement of Kimberly Stewart and Laguna Beach "star" Talan Torriero less than two weeks ago, but the betrothal has already drawn to a close. They apparently realized that they had garnered all of the gossip-rag press that they possibly could and their best bet from there would be to forgo the expensive nuptial process and get cracking on a new two-week engagement. Every month or so each one of them could meet a new pseudo-nobody, get engaged for two weeks, get a bit of ink out of it, then break up. This cycle could keep their names in our brains for the next forty years. And just to mix it up a bit, maybe once a year or so they could get re-engaged to each other. The engagement process has already worked in Talan's favor, as two weeks ago we had no idea who the fuck he was and now . . . well, we still have no idea who the fuck he is, but he now has his own category on CNW. That's gotta be worth something.
And what of Mischa Barton's female biscuit being taken off the Hollywood sex buffet menu? She's been snagged by this guy, possibly the only celebrity hanger-on capable of making Mischa's last toy penis, future Marlon Brando-level bloat bag Brandon Davis, look like a catch. The sad part is that now that Kimberly Stewart is left with the option of picking up some guy named Bulldog at her local biker bar or spending her nights at home with her Buzz-o-matic 3000, she'll probably start to think that she needs Cisco back and initiate a feud with feeble little Mischa. They'll jab carrot sticks in each other's eyes, someone's rib will fracture from the blow of a jutting hip bone, bleached extensions will fly. And all over some greaseball who looks like he works at Jiffy Lube.

Mischa Mischa Mischa at MrSkin.com.