End of 2005 Bikini Blowout

What, you're reading this? You're actually at work? Seriously? It's the day before New Year's Eve, you know. We mean, it's fine if you're there. There's nothing wrong with being a suck-up asskisser brownnoser. Nothing at all! After all, we're at work, too. It has nothing to do with the fact that Johnny Bossman tied us to our desks last Monday with some spare coaxial cables and a spare Country Crock container for human waste after telling us we were to work through the holidays or face the firing squad–er, face getting fired. We're here because we have a totally rad work ethic, and because we want to bring you the very best scantily-clad celebrity links.

It seems that all the persons of great wealth and renown about whom we like to blab are skiing in Aspen or relaxing in Hawaii this holiday season, so nobody's Botoxing or getting pummelled by Bijou Phillips or urinating in their capris. We got nuthin', people. Nuthin'! Nuthin' except for this shit-hot barrage of links coming straight atcha!
Lindsay Lohan is in Miami with her family, far away from horny, salivating older actors and errant paparazzi in swerving minivans. We won't see her doing lines off Jordan Catalano's hog, but we will see her in a bikini. And now that she weighs 101 instead of 73, this is a good thing. Oh, and Egotastic installed a high-tech, state-of-the-art microchip that will instantly photograph the retinas of anyone found lasciviously ogling Lindsay's middle school-aged sister, and broadcast their names and faces decorated with the words "sick, sick creep" in Times Square during Dick Clark's Ryan Seacrest's Rockin' New Year's Eve. Just warnin' ya.
For those of you who like your dames with smaller beans and smaller teeth, we bring you Kirsten Dunst in a dunstkini next to a jolly old man (her dad?). She looks cute enough with no baggy dresses in sight, but we're just thrilled that these pictures were taken at a hotel, so we can FINALLY use a joke we've been sitting on for years: Dunst(en) checks in.
Lastly, here's some Elaine Benis for your penis. Where was this naked picture of Julia Louis-Dreyfus taken? Where, and when? We have no idea if it's real, but the grainy black-and-white quality reminds us of yearbooks. What a lovely senior portrait this would make.
OK, see you all next year.

Lindsay's at MrSkin.com.

Kirsten? She's there, too.

Julia, too.