Welcome back to CelebNewsWire land! Oh, what a whirlwind week it's been. First the paparazzi busts us sunbathing tits out. Then we got engaged to Tom Brady. And then to celebrate, we drank eleven glasses of eggnog chased with two bottles of rubbing alcohol and a sixer of Michelob Ultra and ended up in the hospital, where we were placed in a special observation room because we had the largest shenis in the joint. And now we're back! Back especially to post these pictures of Donatella Versace in a bikini. Because nothing celebrates the season like turkey. Turkey jerky. All trussed up in a tropical print with lips covered in calamine lotion and a couple of half-softballs stapled on. Fa la la la la la la la la!
