By now you know that Paris Hilton was arrested last night for drunk driving. And you might have also heard her gossip sympathizers pulling out the normal lame-ass excuses. She only had one drink. Her house was like four minutes away. Her blood alcohol level was almost legal. The paparazzi flashbulbs are impregnated with tequila that soaks into Paris's skin with every snap and her drunkenness is totally their fault. Sure, Paris. That's like a hooker getting arrested mid-beej and saying, "But officer, I only charged five dollars and he was really, really begging for it. I couldn't help myself."
Listen, we're not going to recount the whole damn story for you here. The actual facts aren't that interesting. Paris's pet giraffe was not in the car, she called no one sugar tits (as far as we can tell at this moment), and no naked trannies were not going at it in the back seat during the arrest. So if you want to read every little nuance, head over to TMZ. They'll help you out. All we're going to delve into here is the aftermath. Paris revealed on Ryan Seacrest's radio show this morning that she had to drive really fast because she was starving like Nicole Richie during the after-dinner cigar and just had to get to In-N-Out before she wilted away into a malnourished skeleton (TMZ also has the audio from that appearance). Not surprisingly celebrity boot licker Perez Hilton was with Paris prior to the incident and had this to say:
Paris was not wasted. She had one drink – a margarita, mixed at the table – minutes before getting into her Mercedes on her way to In 'N Out Burger to get something to eat. She had spent the last two days shooting a music video in Long Beach.
Within a block of the charity concert at the Dragonfly is the Hollywood police station and the cops pulled Paris' car over less than ten minutes after this picture was taken.
So . . . Paris is at an event, undoubtedly listening to opportunists fawn about how "brilliant" her album is and how "HOTTTT" she looks tonight, when she thinks, "God, I'm famished, I need a burger, but first, garÁon, mix me up a margarita tout suite!" She then downs the margarita and immediately hops in her car and speeds–PAST A POLICE STATION–in the direction of the nearest burger. Yeah, she sounds totally innocent, the incident just an unfortunate series of events that could have happened to anyone.
We don't know if Paris is drunk at MrSkin.com, but she's definitely naked.
