Remember last Christmas when you were at your sister's house and you were helping her give your little nephew a bath and you held up the naked little bugger to entertain him while your sister went to fetch a washcloth and just as you opened your mouth to say something as intellectually engaging as "coochy coochy coo" the bastard pissed all over your face? And remember how mad you got and how you held the kid down in the water, trying to drown him and his offending little pecker until your sister came back in and started screaming at you, telling you to get out and never call her again and how you were dead to her? Yeah, well Noel Gallagher should have had an experience like that before deciding to reproduce.
Noel, who happens to be the father of a five-year-old girl, had a few interesting things to say about children to a Norwegian newspaper.
"They're fucking idiots . . . they're small, noisy, smelly, small, devil brats! They take too much time and they cry all the time. Many people become so boring when they get kids, they seem to want to take over the house you live in. You have to be quiet when the babies are asleep . . . fuck that! It's my house and I am the boss in my house."
But, see, you can't really fault Noel for saying such douchebaggy things about his kid, because he was talking to a Norwegian newspaper and he thought the printed version would look something like this:
Reporter: B¯rk B¯rk B¯rk?
Noel: B¯rk B¯rk, B¯rk B¯rk B¯rk. B¯rk [Ha ha].
Wait, we're thinking of Sweden, not Norway. Whatever. We failed high-school geography class because the teacher was hot and we were too busy picturing her naked.
