Demi Moore's Child Bride Earns His Keep

Ashton Kutcher is desperate to inseminate his nanna/wife, Demi Moore. (Because celebrities never want to simply pass on their DNA or have an excuse to buy a Louis Vuitton diaper bag; they're positively desperate for a baby.) He's even abandoning his duties as nerd matchmaker to make it happen. At least he's neglecting Beauty and the Geek and not Punk'd. There would be mass suicides if we weren't offered the chance to watch celebrities cry and scream at their assistants when their car was impounded just because they parked it on top of a handicapped homeless Vietnam vet and a fire hydrant.

The Scoop reports:

Ashton Kutcher is working overtime to start a family. The “Beauty and the Geek” star is so eager to have a child that he reportedly took a jet to spend time with wife Demi Moore when she was fertile.
Execs behind Kutcher’s TV show were eager to have Kutcher in New York last week to promote the third season of the series — but Kutcher has other priorities, according to Star magazine.
“Demi Moore, 43, was ovulating — and he rushed to Louisiana, where she is filming “Mr. Brooks,” to be by her side,” reports the tab.
His rep denies the story.

Now, we understand that there's nothing much of interest in this story, other than the idea of a twentysomething who still enjoys fart jokes and wedgies marrying and trying to impregnate a woman who's breast implants are older than him. What caught our ear was the reference to Demi as "fertile." It brings to mind images of a lush field ready to be filled with seed. Ashton will don flowered gloves and a sun hat and dig his garden hoe into Demi's uberous loam and germinate every square inch of her dark, moist, unseen areas. Seriously, people, that's just sick.
Get a load of Demi's soil at MrSkin.com.

And don't forget the Kutch at MaleStars.com.