Demi Moore Likes To Be Sucked (By Leeches)

Demi Moore. International beauty. Striptease expert. Cradle robber. Medieval medicine practitioner? Our friends at Celebitchy helpfully transcribed Demi's recent appearance on David Letterman where she talked about putting squirmy, slimy things on her skin and letting them suck out her blood.

You were in Austria?
I’m always…looking for the cutting edge on things that are for optimizing health and healing.

Just a week ago I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatments was leech therapy.

These aren’t just like swamp leeches, we’re talking about highly trained medical leeches… [laughing]

I know thousands of years ago they were common
Bleeding was a very common thing… it detoxifies your blood and they have a little enzyme that when they’re biting down gets released into your blood, and generally you bleed for quite a bit, and your health is optimized. It detoxifies the blood. I’m feeling very detoxified right now.

Is it the enzyme is that what’s critical?
They start in a spot for me that is a horrible spot, which is my belly button. They test it out. They are in a little jar with water and glass and they pull it out and they have to stick it in my belly button.

Where does this take place? At a hotel? At a clinic?
In this woman’s house and I’m laying on a bed.

And she says “we’re going to apply the leeches?”
Yes they do the little sampler first which is in the belly button and it crawls in. And you feel it bite down on you and you want to go “you bastard!” and then you relax and work on your lamaze breathing, and you watch it swell up and get fatter and fatter. And then when it’s super drunk on your blood it just kind of rolls over like it’s stumbling out of the bar.

Are you sure it’s not menopause?
No, but I was going to recommend this for your tic.

You have to do a turpentine bath first.

Did you feel better after the leech deal?
You first feel worse, then you feel better.

You’re not going back?
I am going back, because I only got 4 leeches and I feel a little cheated.

Clinically speaking how can we prove that you are more healthy after the leeches?
By a blood test. They can see the levels in your blood, if you’re anemic… they release in their enzyme heparin, which is a natural blood thinner.

We're actually quite impressed with Demi's ingenuity here. She sees what's happening with modern medicine, what with your Dondra Wests and your Priscilla Presleys, and is looking at alternatives for her beautification purposes. Sure, looking 500 years in the past for anti-aging answers might seem a bit extreme, but Demi still knows her limits. It's not like she has Ashton strap her into an iron maiden for twelve hours a day so that she can't raid the fridge and wreck her diet. (And, yes, pretty much all of our knowledge of the Middle Ages comes directly from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. It is most non-non-non-heinous after all.)