Courtney Love's with the Band, Kylie Minogue Gets Faced

So it turns out that Courtney Love's new Gollumesque physique might not, in fact, be the work of steamed salmon and downward dogging, but a stretchy band around the stomach. Pick your jaw up off the floor and read on to find out about her post-gastric band wooing technique and get a sneak preview of Kylie Minogue's head-scratchingly curious facial reinvention. Mmm, she still has that new-face smell!

Of Courtney's deeply disturbing rib rumples, the New York Post quotes a source:

"[Courtney is] telling people she got the gastric band surgery. She even said she had to sleep with a towel by her because the surgery makes her [vomit] all the time and is worried she won't be able to make out with anyone because of her breath." But a rep for Love, who says she's dragged him to healthy macrobiotic restaurants, insists, "Not true. She says she never got surgery."

Haha, if Courtney did indeed have a prospective paramour sleeping next to her, we're sure he would be like, "She's barfing all over herself in the middle of the night. Thank God for that TOWEL, otherwise she'd be pretty gross."

Speaking of pretty and/or gross, dig these pictures of three-apples-high Kylie Minogue at an H&M opening in China recently:

Keeping in mind that she used to look like this:

What's new there? Duff veneers? Eye lift? We can't put our finger on it, but if we did it would be kind of slick and make a sound like two balloons rubbing against one another. But we're contractually obligated to stop typing now because Kylie is freshly cancer-free and therefore untouchable, gossip-wise. She could bust into the children's ward at a hospital in Afghanistan and steal all the toys from amputee toddlers and smear her own feces over the walls, and when she was arrested, everyone would say, "How dare you! She's a survivor!"

Courto's old self is naked at MrSkin.com.

So's Kylie!