ï Colin Farrell gets restraining order against Nicole Narain–he's afraid that pesky sex tape will harm his "reputation and career". His reputation is that of a serial ass-tapper; his last movie was Alexander. Dude has nowhere to go but up.
ï Joss Stone has a bum double in a Gap advert? Why, we're bloody gutted over the news! Pip, pip! Tut, tut! Tally ho!
ï Scotty's remains are going to be beamed up FOR REAL.
ï Journalists dish all: Tom Cruise is creepy, Catherine Zeta-Jones is as dumb as a turd, Andy Garcia is a big fat ugmo, and MORE!
ï Angelina and new baby Zahara enjoy a day out; Maddox deemed "too old", forced to stay home in a closet, eating bread crusts.
ï If you're friends with Gwen Stefani, you may just find your cute outfit being knocked off, churned out by Chinese orphans and mass-marketed.
ï Tom and Katie "can't wait for a baby!" Problem is, they have no idea how you make one.
ï Um, hi, celebrities? Yeah, hi, it's us. Listen, guys, could you be a little more exciting? I mean, we don't want to have to do the CNW Junk Drawer every single day because you give us nothing to write about. The Jude Law nannyfucking was a great start . . . maybe you could all be a little more like Jude? Like, just start grabbing asses, or make out with Erik Estrada at a party, or buy a gun and wave it around. Scream, shout, piss on a wall with abandon! Anything! Please! Love, Your Friends at CelebNewsWire.
