CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy, Sexy Babies

ï Anna Nicole Smith's maid claims that ANS ordered her to underfeed her daughter saying, "Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was sexy." Hopefully, the maid also put Dannielynn in crotchless thong diapers. How else are you supposed to show off that Play-Doh My First Brazilian WaxÆ?

ï The maid also says that ANS tried to commit suicide "at least twice" after giving birth to Dannielynn. Where were you and your vitamins when Anna needed you, Tom Cruise, you lousy prick?

ï Anna Nicole's methadone pusher calls himself an "entertainment doctor". Must . . . refrain . . . from making . . . second Patch Adams joke in a week . . .

ï Anna Nicole's body is set to be released, but to her mother, or to Howard K. Stern (asshole)? At this point, they should just sell her body to Entertainment Tonight.

ï Carrot Top sure has great gams!

ï Keira Knightley will be naked in her next film. We called it a "film" because it sounds classy.

ï Jordan still has tetherball-sized breasts, by the way. (NSFW)

ï Celebrities are so plastic! Knifestyles of the rich and famous! A cut above the breast! And other charming puns!

ï Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are back together. But at what cost? Paris Hilton was brutally battered, for what?

ï Oft-nude model/celebutante/daughter of Patty/granddaughter of Randolph Lydia Hearst refused to let Britney Spears have a bag she designed, because "I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. " Oh yeah? Well YOUR mom robbed a bank, Lydia. BURN!

ï Paula Abdul claims that she's never been drunk or done drugs. Tell that to MC Skat Kat, baby. Tell it to the Skat Kat.