ï Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart break up. Perhaps she woke up and realized, "I'm Natalie Portman. He's a hirsute twee gypsy who sings like a lamb with a barbed dildo up its butthole." (Celebrity Wonder)
ï Right now, Brad and Angelina's adopted kids are looking around their filthy French chateau and thinking, "Screw this, man, there were fewer flies back in Ethiopia, man." (CelebWarship)
ï Kirk Cameron will NOT kiss any woman other than his wife onscreen; WILL star in a sitcom in which his best friend is called "Boner". (Holy Taco)
ï Susan Sarandon enjoyed beating the shit out of daughter Eva Amurri. For a movie! For a movie! (Daily Stab)
ï Dear Kim Kardashian: God would not have dealt you that colossal can and made you mambo on Dancing with the Stars if He didn't want you to shake it like a bottle of salad dressing. Wake up, Kim! Look alive! (F-listed)
ï The Girls Next Door: the truth comes out. You mean three large-breasted blondes in their twenties AREN'T banging an octogenarian? (Pop on the Pop)
ï Leighton Meester admits she was born in the slammer. (The Hollywood Gossip)
ï Top 5 Network TV Nude Scenes! (Mr. Skin)
ï It was mystical, magical water, and not a penis, that got Nicole Kidman pregnant. (The Blemish)
