ï Kylie Minogue's been given the cancer all-clear. And, apparently, the all-clear to get unceremoniously dumped by that one guy who was in S.W.A.T.
ï Whoops, Eminem and Kim are NOT engaged again after all. They're married! Just funnin'.
ï Anna Paquin gets see through. But don't touch her! Or she'll suck out your life force! Ahahaha! Hahahaha! Because . . . because she's Rogue. Get it? Um.
ï Heather Graham. Bridget Moynahan. Movie lesbians. Suck on that, Tom Brady.
ï Adrianne Curry is very, very surprised that America's Next Top Model wasn't the key to setting the modeling world alight.
ï Christina Aguilera cooks in the nude for her husband. Most likely, bananas foster. Because he's a monkey, see.
ï Seeing as how Drew Barrymore has a fetish for annoying, facially unfortunate men (Tom Green, that dude from Hole, etc.), it's no surprise to learn that she may be rubbing her business onto the smug, Shandling-esque mug of Zach Braff.
ï Mischa Barton has allegedly dumped Cisco Adler not because he has freakishly huge testicles, but because everyone now knows that he has freakishly huge testicles.
ï Charlize Theron is getting sued for not wearing fancypants expensive free watches for tons of scratch. What a world! What a world!
ï Anne Hathaway is all "Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo! I have beautiful hair! Waaaaah, my rack is rotund and perfect! Booooo, I'm famous and stunning! Pooooor me! Wah wah cry sob sob wah."
