CNW Junk Drawer: Biel 'Brella Bashes Like Britney

ï Now that it's raining more than ever/know that Biel still hates the paparazzi/You can get beat by her umba-rella/You get beat by her umba-rella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay. (Egotastic!)

ï Britney Spears pretends she has narcolepsy, which is not an oozing venereal disease, like one might automatically assume. (Yeeeah!)

ï Katie "Jordan" Price gives a hot blow job!!! She'll really straighten you out! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Work that butt chin, Jessica Simpson. (IDLYITW)

ï Now we know what Heidi Klum sees in Seal. (Pssst! It's his enormous penis!!!!) (Derek Hail)

ï Happy Halloween! Please stick your candle into Christina Ricci's pumpkins. She was Wednesday Addams, after all, so this is plenty relevant. (Cityrag)

ï Find out what happens when Dinas stop being orange and start gittin' REAL. (Fatback and Collards)

ï And speaking of questionable Lohans (are there any other kind?), Michael is dressed like it's twink night at the Wet Piston, wtf. (Celeb Warship)

ï Rwanda postponed its visit from Paris Hilton, presumably because it needed to reinforce its herpes levees. (Celebitchy)

ï Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says "we're casually dating, I'm kind of into you" than forcing your boyfriend to don your body parts around his neck like a gilded noose. (The Blemish)