ï Matthew McConaughey beat some rape charges. Which is actually kind of easy to do when your accuser is a foaming-at-the-mouth loonybird who claims she turned down MM's proposal of marriage while they were studying Scientology and then he tried to kill her after knocking her out with drugged milk.
ï Paris Hilton knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em, but not when to walk away or run, so much.
ï Mischa Barton wears lacy white panties. Tell your friends.
ï Ashlee Simpson ponies up a little areola. Her yams look pretty nice. It's a shame about the makeup, though.
ï We know Lohan gives Spuds McKenzie a run for his money in the "original party animal" category, but the fact that the cast of a show that works under cover of night, fueled on various stimulants, had to stage an intervention is just sad.
ï Mandy Moore's parents were holed up in her basement, playing World of Warcraft and smoking bongs, posting on Doctor Who message boards and refusing to get jobs, so she kicked their lard asses to the damn curb.
ï But y'all ain't mad at her, because look how adorable and precious she is! Awwwww. Mannnnndyyyy.
ï If Tony Parker hadn't come along and made an honest woman out of Eva Longoria, she would have been straddling tables at nightclubs, inserting a Jeff Stryker Cock n' Balls into her netherholes instead of just talking about it.
ï K-Hole asked for (and got) an epidural while crapping out Suri Cruise. Brutal, hateful, extra-long auditing session TK.
