CNW Junk Drawer: "All Nose and Hose"

Published June 14, 2006

Vida Guerra displays her ripe rump for mateworthy males in Playboy.
Daryl Hannah “arrested for farm protest“? What the . . . ? What kind of sick person protests farming?
Ashlee Simpson’s in the new issue of Marie Claire talking about how women should embrace themselves no matter what size or shape and love their flaws. Accompanied by a nice pictorial spread of her showing off her new rhinoplasty, collagen-infused lips, and cantaloupe diet waistline.
The other day, Britney, Kevin and Federspears the Younger were photographed together for the first time since March. Oh, they’re definitely a loving couple fully committed to one another. We’re convinced now.
Paris and Lindsay fight over Stamos Nachos. They just can’t get enough of his warm, cheesy goodness.
Heather Mills McCartney, soon to be defrocked and downgraded to “Just Plain Heather Mills but a $200 million richer Heather Mills so f u very much”, makes viewers sing, “Hey Boob/Don’t be a prude/Take some naked pics/And make wangs bigger”.
Some kids like football, some kids like video games, some kids like Legos. Pam Anderson’s sons’ favorite toy is her stripper pole.
Brittany Murphy may be tinier than a baby flea, but her rack can compete with the best of them.
You know what isn’t tiny? Screech from Saved by the Bell’s weenis.
Jennifer Aniston’s got pokies. And she knows how to use ‘em.