CNW Junk Drawer: Get Hep!

Hepatitis A, Matt Damon, thongless male-on-male mud wrestling, and golden showers. We’re not talking about Ben Affleck’s bachelor party, we’re talking about a Steven Soderbergh joint!
Britney might be ready to finally get rid of those 170 extra pounds of ugly, useless flab. AKA, divorcing K-Fed.
Or, she might be ready to accept a few more of his cornrowed sperms and bake another baby, because according to the oracle, it is written. Specifically, she’s predicted to “fall pregnant”, which sounds as if she’s about to befall a hideous malady. Which is not too far off the mark, really.
But who gives a crap, let’s just look at Britney’s pointy Spears, unfettered by brassieres. Hey, that rhymed.
Madonna took it for a spin. It inspired Carmen Electra to bellow racial epithets. That’s right, little ones–it’s Dennis Rodman’s rod, man (NSFW).
Paris Hilton and the Jolly Greek Giant are still relaxing in the warm, bubbling hot tub of amorous rapture despite nasty rumors to the contrary and Baby Luv the Monkey’s diabolical plot to tear them apart.
Jennifer Aniston has been named GQ’s (Wo)Man of the Year, along with her rumored beau Vince Vaughn and rapper 50 Cent. So, in order to be a major magazine’s people of the year, all you have to do is A. have your husband divorce you after upgrading to a better model, B. bang aforementioned divorcÈe, or C. have Pittsburghers shoot each other during a screening of your movie. Oh man, we totally have next year’s title in the bag!