When we first gazed upon this photo of Christina Aguilera's gigantic milk-and-silicone hybrid bazooms, our reaction was pretty much what you'd see in any 1950s cartoon: eyes bulging, tongue rolling out like an Oscar red carpet, heart beating outside of our shirt. Then about ten minutes later we rolled our tongue back into our mouth, stuffed our heart back into our chest cavity, and opened our desktop stash of arousal-killing images: close-ups of Britney Spears's weave, Carrot Top shirtless, Jocelyn Wildenstein. When we returned to Xtina, we came to the conclusion that she must be expecting triplets. Unfortunately her innards weren't ready for three fetuses, so her uterus expanded, depositing one Jordy Jr. in each lung. In appreciation we wrote this song:
You are boobiful no matter what they say
Bras can't hold you down
You are boobiful in every single way
Yes, bras can't hold you down
