Famous Ladies Had Penises in Their Vaginas; Babies Ensued

Anyone who is not a female above age thirty can just stop reading this right now, because we're about to delve into the world of babies. It's going to be babies, babies, babies around the CNW parts until every last one of you wants to scrape out your lady innards with a rusty hanger. We just can't stop talking about, thinking about, and looking at babies. Just call us Angelina Jolie. First up, Christina Aguilera states the oh-so-obvious, per IMDB:

Christina Aguilera has finally confirmed reports she is expecting a baby with husband Jordan Bratman. The singer has previously refused to comment on the status of her bulging belly, despite her father Fausto Aguilera and her pal Paris Hilton letting slip about the 26-year-old's happy news earlier this year. The couple has also been spotted shopping at baby boutiques in Los Angeles on numerous occasions in recent weeks. But Aguilera, 26, has now spoken out for the first time about her excitement at impending motherhood, revealing to U.S. magazine Glamour that she is expecting in the New Year. When asked about her New Year's resolutions for 2008, Aguilera says, "That'll be about the time I enter into mommyhood, so... I'm hoping to have started a beautiful family with my husband!" And music executive Bratman is delighted at the prospect of becoming a father. She adds, "Oh, he's thrilled! He's just great." The baby will be a first for both Aguilera and Bratman, who married in November 2005.

Yeah, thanks for finally fessing up, Xtina, but what we really need to know is how you conquered the hardships involved in being inseminated by a monkey. Were there scientists involved? Will this open a whole new world of cross-breeding possibilities? Will Paris Hilton soon get knocked up by her pet goat?

Also admitting to the fetus in the tummy is Cate Balnchett, also via IMDB:

Notes On A Scandal actress Cate Blanchett has put a stop to reports speculating about her expanding waistline - she's announced she is expecting her third child. The Aviator Oscar winner, 38, first sparked pregnancy rumors in October, when she stepped out to promote her latest film Elizabeth: The Golden Age in Rome, Italy, sporting a sexy new fuller figure. The star made the confession during a red-carpet appearance in Australia on Saturday, when she revealed she is four months pregnant - although she does not yet know the sex of the baby. She says, "It's early days yet. It's due in April." Blanchett already has two children with her husband, playwright Andrew Upton: six-year-old Dashiell and three-year-old Roman.

You already know of our love for Cate, so we cannot say anything negative about her. Instead we'll just say this: J.Lo, you just got faced by an elf. What you gonna do about it, preggo?

And in the celebrity births category, Milla Jovovich finally popped one out, and as far as we know it didn't weigh forty-seven pounds. According to Celebrity Baby Blog:

Actress Milla Jovovich, 31, and her fiancé, director Paul W.S. Anderson, 42, have welcomed their first child. Daughter Ever Gabo was born on Saturday morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, a day before Milla's due date of Sunday, weighing in at 7 lbs, 8 oz. According to a source, "Everything went really smooth."

Ah, we get it. As in "This kid isn't Ever going to forgive her parents for giving her a stupid name." Good one.