Charlie Sheen: Sex Doll Murderer

We think it's pretty fair to say that Charlie Sheen has done a lot of cuckoo things in his life, a few of which have recently come to light. But we never would have thought he was a Real Doll murderer. Rush & Molloy explain that Charlie's real life has made for some funny jokes in his beloved-by-old-people sitcom. We've never seen the show, but we think it's called The Adventures of Duckie and Chuckie or some such:

Give this to Charlie Sheen: He's not afraid to mine his personal scandals for laughs.

The other night on his hit TV show, "Two and a Half Men," Holland Taylor, who plays his mother, Evelyn, was griping that she had no date for the opera. "Why don't you try one of those escort services?" asked Sheen's character, Charlie Harper.

It was brave line, considering that Sheen admitted in 1995 to spending more than $53,500 on 27 "dates" with employees of Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. But the sitcom got even closer to the bone when mother and son began to banter about an inflatable sex doll.

"I tried it once," said Charlie Harper. "But I prefer a real woman."

Sheen also knows something about this subject. A few years back, we're told, he bought a $6,000 anatomically correct latex girl dressed in a cheerleader's outfit. According to an insider, Sheen was quite open about the doll — even bringing it to the set of his old show "Spin City."

But then came the night when, according to our source, Sheen tried to get two female party companions interested in a foursome with the bouncy cheerleader.

"They couldn't stop laughing at him," says the snitch. "Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll's hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a Dumpster."

Before the doll's demise, Sheen's friend used to tease him about the mannequin's resemblance to his future wife, Denise Richards, who later claimed she, too, saw Sheen's rough side. Richards talked about getting a restraining order against Sheen after she alleged that he'd pushed her during an argument, according to a Richards pal.

CBS chief Les Moonves, whose network airs "Two and a Half Men," is said to have implored her to not do so, lest the public filing trigger the morality clause in Sheen's contract. According to the friend, Richards agreed to work out the issue with a private judge the couple hired.

One Sheen ally blamed Richards for "dredging up all this [recent] ugliness in a pathetic attempt to garner attention for herself." A rep for Moonves declined to comment. Sheen's rep said, "Anything we have to say, we'll say to a judge" in the couple's custody case.

Charlie really should have held onto that doll, as she would have come in handy after his split from Denise. Instead of hurling insults at Denise via email and waiting for her to covertly leak them to the press, he could have used the Real Doll as a stand in, screaming that she's a "sad, jobless pig" until his throat gave out and then grabbing her one remaining hand, thrusting it at her face, and taunting, "Why are you hitting yourself, Denise? Huh? Why are you hitting yourself? Are you going to go cry to your bald mom about your black eye?"