Denise Richards Is a Sad, Jobless Pig

There is a force in this universe so strong and shrewish that she can make us overlook all of her enemy's horrible traits--the serial hooker schtupping, the gambling, the boozing, his entire television career--and think, oh, he can't be that bad compared to her. And that force is named Denise Richards. We imagine that the majority of words that escape her mouth do so at a deafening pitch and that her maids and nannies and such spend their days trying to stay invisible, cowering in corners. There's just something so poisonous about her. Which is why the following email supposedly sent from Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards delights us:

You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go fuck yourself, sad, jobless pig.

FOX News details even more of the sordid details in the couple's custody battle, and their fair and unbalanced opinion definitely favors Denise. And this bit makes it a little hard for us to disagree with them:

In other e-mails, Sheen ridicules Richards’ mother, who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. "Go cry to your bald mom, you fucking loser," Sheen writes.

Yeah, those sound like the words of an asshole. Which is why we have our suspicions that the missives actually came from Denise herself. If the address on those emails was charlielovescock@yahoo.com or suckmytwatsheen@gmail.com, we're pretty sure Denise might have had something to do with it.

In a related side note, we'd like to see this custody-battle pig-calling trend extend to Britney and Kevin. Hopefully in the form of a new hit single by K-Fed that consists of two and half minutes of oinking sounds and a breathy cry of "You're a bitch, Britney."


Denise wasn't always jobless. See her naked and employed at MrSkin.com.