Catherine Zeta-Jones Gets Stabby

Lots of women are jealous types, and if they catch another broad making eyes at their man, they'll unleash a torrent of cussing, biting, scratching, hairpulling, pudding wrestling, and possibly foxy boxing. But Catherine Zeta-Jones's jealousy and insanity are at levels previously uncharted by humans, and she says if she catches any ho looking at hubby Michael Douglas, she'll take care of the problem with a sword. Which must happen often, because if there's anything young women desire, it's a 104-year-old man with an enlarged prostate, an ass for a chin, and weeping face lift sutures.

The Welsh are a passionate people. You've got Dylan Thomas and his moving verse, Tom Jones and his sultry vocals and lascivious hip-shaking, and you've got Catherine Zeta-Jones, a woman who is in cell phone commercials. Cath has landed herself the ancient, decrepit goose that lays the golden egg (or, at least it would were it not for the aforementioned prostate) and she ain't about to lose that to an even younger and more toned version of herself. CZJ learned a thing or two about a thing or two wielding weapons on the set of her new Zorro movie. Says she:

"I was never a jealous woman. I never had a fight over jealousy and regarding Michael, if a man looks at him, I'll be angry, but if it's a woman it's better for me because with her, I'll solve the problem with a sword."

She's not the only Zorro star using her weapon to intimidate. Antonio Banderas, although being awfully tan and hunky, is no Charlton Heston and eschews guns in the home in favor of a nice shiny blade when it comes to protecting his own decomposing Botoxed mate and young child.

"Even though we filmed the first Zorro movie nine years ago, I kept the sword. I won't say where I keep it, but it's in a strategic spot in my home. I truly pity the burglar who shows up at my house! Though I wonder what I'd tell the authorities... 'Officer, he tried to rob me, so I cut a giant Z into him! . . . If a boy gets out of line with my daughter, I will take down that sword and say, 'Son, step into my den for a little talk!'"

A head-scratcher for sure, but it sounds like swords might be the new bodyguards amongst the Tinseltown set. And we're into it. Swarovski crystal sheaths strapped to Prada skirts. Reese Witherspoon beheading the Pavarotti. MK Olsen drawing her cutlass to Paris Hilton's face and saying, "My name is Mary-Kate Olsen. You stole my Stamos Nachos. Prepare to die."
Cath shows her deadly weapons at MrSkin.com.