Britney Turns Self In; Desires Sweat Lodge

Yesterday was Britney-free, but those days are over, chump. Suck on this: back in August, Britney sideswiped some dude's car and then sped off, germ-bearded dog in tow. Now the cops want her chewy ass, and she turned herself in last night. Mug shot TK! Reports Yahoo News:

Officer Mike Lopez said Spears turned herself in around 9 p.m. and left about 45 minutes later. Spears was fingerprinted and photographed, he said.

Spears, 25, was wearing large designer sunglasses and a black turtleneck dress and jacket. As she left the station, she told KCAL-TV that all went smoothly.

"They were nice," she said of police. She told the station she was wearing the sunglasses because she had pinkeye.

"She was fine, cooperative," Officer Lopez said. "She did her business and came out."

He means that literally. She walked into the police station, hiked her sack dress above her stubbly, panty-free lady chalupa, squatted, and crapped on the floor.

After the cut, read about how B-spizzy plans on turning her life around.

OK, this is a good one. According to our gossip medicine man, Female First, Britney is planning on visiting a reservation near the Grand Canyon so that a Native American healer can "cleanse her soul". Because not eating Ecstasy, practicing your routine before awards ceremonies, and not blowing menthol smoke in your infant's face are concepts too insane to grasp. A source says:

"The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour. The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her."

Man, Britney sure is gonna be sore when she figures out that this isn't going to be anything like what she saw in The Doors. "What the hell, y'all? How come I ain't trippin' on those funny cactus buttons? Where's Meg Ryan? I wanna ride the snake! I WANNA RIDE THE SNAAAAAAKE!"

Britney shows it off at MrSkin.com.