Britney Flaps Her Lips--This Time Via Written Word

While we greatly mourn the graphic of Britney turning into a tiger and then turning back into Britney that brought us hours upon hours of entertainment, we are happy to see that Britney Spears's official website has finally been updated. We are less happy to see that the update comes in the form of a statement obviously written by her mom. All it needs is a couple references to how funny King of Queens is and how much she loves her new Lee jeans to unquestionably convince us of its authorship.

We guess that the last week of Britney Spears's life, in between pandering to DCFS by spending quality monkey-gawking time with one of her children (Seriously, where the fuck is Jayden? Did Kevin get really, really stoned and mistake him for a box of Cheese Nips?) and proving to the world that she does indeed own at least one pair of panties, has been spent slaving over a word doc just struggling to come up with the perfect phrasing for the following statement:

It's been so long since I've been out on the town with friends. It's also been 2 years since I've even celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a bit too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria Secrets' new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me.
I'm just getting started....Happy Holidays everyone!
Britney

OK, ha ha, Britney made a panty joke. She can laugh at herself. Whatever. Like she's ever set foot in a Victoria's Secret store, anyway. Them's poor people drawers, y'all. What we take issue with is Britney's claim that she hasn't been able to have fun or party for the past two years. And this is because . . . why? She hasn't been busy working. Or learning how to use a car seat. Or perfecting the art of personal grooming. Maybe cleaning skid marks out of Federline undies really tires a girl out (not to mention makes her recoil at the mere site of undergarments).

Britney continues her panty party at MrSkin.com.