Britney Spears Story #4763

Today, faced with yet another slew of stories about Britney Spears (still with partially flashed body parts!), we decided to look over our recent stories to find a day that did not involve some manner of talking about Britney, her uncovered cooter, her cheap satin bras, or her divorce. And we had to look back to November 6th, the day before Britney filed for divorce. November 6th. We haven't stopped talking about Britney for six entire weeks. So why stop now, right? We must press on, in the name of journalism shorn celebrity snatch, that for which we live.

First we will check in with the inhabitants of Britney's lingerie drawer, courtesy of The New York Daily News:

The newly single pop star continued her hard-partying trampage Sunday night at a Los Angeles burlesque club 40 Deuce, when she jumped onstage between striptease acts.

Britney and some girlfriends gyrated for the crowd, with Spears, cigarette in hand, unzipping her top and baring her bra.

She was having so much fun, the club's manager had to step in and remove her from the stage. But the singer wasn't having it. She quickly jumped back onstage, forcing the manager to dislodge her once again so that the real dancers could finish their show.

Spears returned to the bar, where she refreshed herself with a cocktail of champagne mixed with Coca-Cola.

Faced with the choice of seeing hot professional dancers in sexy, expensive lingerie gyrate and tease in a well-choreographed manner or seeing Britney remove her two-sizes too-small Charlotte Russe belly shirt to reveal her $24.99 Target Xhilaration bra for the fortieth time while attempting the Cabbage Patch, which would you choose?

Also, Brit's a total liar. Her latest Letter of Truth would have been just as truthful had it recounted Brit's beautiful encounter with a creature that was pegacorn above the waist and black bear below and how they made sweet, sweet love until the break of dawn. The gossip world's bitchy uncle, Mike Walker of The National Enquirer, reports (via Celebitchy):

On your Web site, you defend your insane headbanging – pre/post/and during your 25th birthday – by wah-waaah-ing: "It's been so long since I've been out on the town…it's also been two years since I've even celebrated my birthday!" LIAR! The press reported that you whooped it up big-time on your 24th birthday at LA club LAX, "dancing into the wee hours with friends" – and a photo showed you there! On your 23rd birthday, Ms. Pinocchi-a, you staged a major blowout that made worldwide headlines – boogie-ing at LA club Concorde with hubby KEVIN FEDERLINE (remember him?). Then the two of you checked into the posh Bacara Spa and Hotel in Santa Barbara and hung out the "Do Not Disturb" sign for a long weekend that was described as a "48-hour sex marathon." Too bad you fired your ace Hollywood PR firm, Britney. They'd have warned you against publishing such amateur-ish lies!

Don't blame Britney for the lies, y'all. As a defense mechanism she has reset her mental clock to the year 2002 to avoid any of those icky Kevin Federline-related thoughts. In Brit's mind she is still in top physical form with no marriages and no children and is the biggest star in the world. She thinks she's just taking a break before she starts recording In the Zone. It all makes perfect sense.

Oh, and that overgrown weasel Britney was spied smooching last week? He appears to have moved on. To Bai Ling. Hmmm. It's really confusing us to be thinking of Bai Ling as a classier, more modest upgrade in the GF department. But it's true. I mean, we've seen her boobs plenty of times, but so far she's kept the beaver neatly hidden under micro minis. Way to go, Bai!

Still can't get enough of Britney? Check her out at MrSkin.com.