Britney Spears Does Horizontal Hula on Tape?

In today's inevitable Britney Spears news: Britney continues her iron-fisted reign as fashion's prettiest princess by donning a terrycloth scrunchie. Also, you might get to see some random schmoe battle whiskey dick to stuff his flaccid ding dong into her whoziewhatsit. According to In Touch:

A guy who met Britney while she was on vacation in June has told In Touch that he made a video of them having sex — and the tape might become public. So far, the only thing, he claims, holding him back from releasing the video is that he was so disappointed by his own performance, he is embarrassed to let the rest of the world see it! The 28-year-old man, who was living on Hawaii’s Big Island at the time, says he left his camera rolling without Britney’s knowledge as they became intimate at a bungalow at the Four Seasons hotel on the Kona-Kohala Coast on June 7.

Quoth Britney's steed on his studding performance:

"It was just normal, we didn't do anything crazy. It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out."

Is this like when dudes say, "Yeah, I dunno, I'm pretty small, like only nine and a quarter inches"? "The sex was disappointing, it lasted 25 minutes" translates to "2 and a half minutes of trying to penetrate anything that felt like a hole followed by an hour of hairstroking and sobbing 'don't hit me, Mommy.'"

UPDATE: There's an alleged still from the tape here. You can't see any faces, which is suspect, but the really questionable part is that there are no visible dribbles down the girl's front, pleather boots from Chernin's Shoe Outlet, or weave tracks. We call foul.



Britney shows it off at MrSkin.com.