God. Just Put It Away Already, Britney.

Dear Britney Spears,

Please do us a favor. Go to your closet and light a match. Make sure every piece of clothing you own is in there, and feel the liberation of watching it all burn. But be careful not to stand too close, as we hear that polyester hair smells particularly gnarly when it burns. Why do we wish for you to set your entire wardrobe ablaze, you ask? The reason is twofold. 1) To take your Wet Seal couture out of circulation for the good of humanity and 2) in the hope that if you walk around completely naked every single day the sight will eventually become commonplace to us and we will never again have to write about the twelve times a week when you "forgot" that your coochie or your titty or your booty wasn't properly covered. We're hoping for desensitization here.

Thank you,
Your friends at CelebNewsWire

(And in case this open letter wasn't as clear of intention as the one written by Candy Spelling, after the cut, nipple!)