Britney Knows Rich People Don't Have To Follow Rules

Britney Spears does not do anything just because someone tells her to. It didn't work when her mom told her to eat her vegetables, it didn't work when Kevin told her not to feed the babies deep-fried Mars bars, and it didn't work when some old lawyer told her to answer some questions. Britney Spears is no man's bitch. MSNBC reports:

Britney Spears called in sick to her court-ordered deposition Dec. 12, and according to her friends, we can expect her so-called illness to rear its ugly head again ó relapses that will happen to coincide with future court dates.

ìBritney feels like this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do,î said a source close to Spears. ìShe did feel sick, but more than anything, she felt like she didnít have to do something just because she was told.î

Would Britney really risk losing her kids rather than face questions about her parenting? The answer is complicated. ìShe would do anything for those babies,î one former employee was quick to point out. ìBut she really doesnít believe that sheís going to lose them. Sheís not connecting the dots.î

This isnít the first time that Spearsí cooperation with the courts has been called into question. Kevin Federlineís attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, complained in court last month that she was routinely ducking court-ordered drug tests, often failing to pick up her telephone or respond promptly when called to the laboratory. After that hearing, the court ordered her to provide a reliable telephone number.

ìThere was a time that Kevin didnít even have Britneyís cell number,î said one of Spearsí former employees. ìDoes it seem like a surprise that the court doesnít have a good number?î TouchÈ.

We think we have a perfect solution to this whole custody mess: Buy Britney a couple of Cabbage Patch Kids that she can dress up, nibble on when she gets hungry, and leave with her Yorkie babysitter when she needs to run to 'Buckies. The kids will grow up in a (seemingly) stable environment away from their mother, and Britney can play out her second-grade mommy fantasies without harming actual living beings (other than the dogs, of course). The only foreseeable down side to this scenario is the off chance that in five or six years Britney will say, "Ma boys ain't getting any bigger and they ain't talking neither. I think they might be 'special'. But don't tell them, y'all; it might hurt their feelings." But that thought will probably be followed by an undeniable craving for a chalupa and she'll forget all about those fake kids on her way to Taco Bell.

Oh, and Britney wasn't too sick for some wild gas-station hopping last night. That girl lives on the edge.