Britney, You Lost Something

A beautiful blonde woman reclines seductively on a chaise lounge. Mysterious fog fills the hair. Thrump, thrump, thrump goes the driving backbeat, as the sexual tension mounts. “Oh-h-hhhhhh,” groans the woman, running her hands down her body, glittering underneath the showy, skimpy body stocking she’s wearing. She stretches her elegant arms above her head, as if reaching out towards a lover, and suddenly, unexpectedly, a muscley, small-statured, S&M clad man dangles from above. He mounts the fair maiden, they lock eyes and arms, and slowly, their entwined limbs are hoisted into midair. But not before a huge-ass chunk of her cheap yellow Fraggle weave gets ripped off and sits there chilling out on the stage. This erotic scene is not just a figment of our romantic imaginations. It actually went down in Oakland, on Britney Spears’s “Circus” tour. It would have been nice if they’d kept with the circus theme and had a gentleman in a top hat with a hoop and whip come and make the tumbleweave jump through flaming rings and balance on a ball.