Well, we got our wish. Yesterday we bitched and moaned about how boring Britney Spears had become and pleaded with her to do something interesting again. And quite frankly, we're pretty shocked that she reads CelebNewsWire and wants to please us so much (not as shocked as we are that she can read, period, though). But holding her kids hostage? A police standoff? Getting hauled off to the hospital in restraints and being put on suicide watch? That's a bit much, Brit. We were really only hoping for you to leave the house without your extensions or completely naked. We didn't want you to get the kids involved. Because that makes us sad. The whole thing is pretty sad, actually. Girl has problems and she needs help. And we still think back to pre-Fed Britney and want what's best for her. We hope that this is–finally–rock bottom and things will get better for her. We think that it's time for Brit's fellow celebrities to band together to lend their support. First there could be a "We Are the World" style benefit song in her honor, though we're not quite sure what it would actually benefit, as Brit can surely afford her own Zoloft and life coach. Then Julia Roberts could offer to have Brit move to her ranch in New Mexico for six months, where Jules could teach Brit the finer points of parenting, like how to properly stow a tot in a car seat, prepare nutritious meals out of things that once grew in the ground, cover electrical outlets, lock up knives and booze, and supply Sean P. with a more appropriate peek-a-boo device than the plastic Ralph's bag he loves to put over his head. Then some really, really smart person could invent a device that Brit could point at potential friends and semen suppliers that would tell her which ones were total asshats using her for money/fame/Howard K. Stern-style manipulative urges. We think that last one would be very helpful.
And in case you haven't already spent half of your working hours pouring over the minutia of the Brit Brit saga, check out Us Weekly's handy timeline, I Don't Like You in that Way's succinct wrap-up, or TMZ's exhaustive coverage. We're sure that details will be pouring in all day. The latest: Brit's not on drugs or booze. Which means that only her own fragile, completely f'ed up mind is to blame. That's really scary.
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And no doubt the photogs were weaping at the sight of their mealticket being hauled away.
Hey, you didn't call Howard K. Stern an asshole.