Like a sad, hairy Tom Hanks utterly alone with no companions save creepy sporting goods–and indeed much like her own children–Britney Spears is without guidance, adrift. She has no representation, no one to boldly stand up and lie, "My client is a happy, healthy, wholly rehabbed and well-adjusted individual. And she will soon be thin and beautiful and free of visible genitalia or clothing stains and celebrating the biggest hit album in the history of recorded music. No, I take that back. In the history of music, period. She's going to make that Mozart loser look like Gerardo–or at least Hilary Duff."
We are almost as reluctant to cite Fox News as a source as we are News of the World, but it's a glacially slow news week, and our only other choice seems to be discussing Jay Leno's thoughts on Sanjaya. So here we go:
Does Britney Spears ìhateî her manager, Larry Rudolph? And is Rudolph even her manager?Hereís a better question: Who is in charge of Britney Spears, anyway?
A day of frustrating phone calls yesterday leads me to believe that actually no one is calling the shots for the beleaguered pop tart.
Spears, for example, has been telling friends that she ìhatesî Rudolph and never intended to sign with him again after leaving his orbit in October 2004. Thatís when Spears severed her relations with Rudolph after nearly a decade.
But then, when Spears went off the deep end last year following her separation from the infamously impaired Kevin Federline, Rudolph stepped in and got Spearsí name back on the dotted line.
ìShe signed a five year contract with him,î says a source. ìShe says she didnít know what she was doing at the time, and canít stand him. But what can she do? Bring in a lawyer and say she signed under duress? That she was drunk or stoned?î
If Spears did want to call a lawyer then the next question is, who would that be? Her music business legal rep, Gary Stiffelman, didnít return calls yesterday. I speak for a moment to her high-powered Hollywood divorce attorney Laura Wasser, wife of Dennis Wasser, who only said, ìI canít discuss anything.î
Rudolph also didnít return calls yesterday. His ReignDeer Management company has a telephone voice answering system that doesnít work. More curious: His Myspace.com page features another artist, not Britney, whom I guess heís representing now.
Spears also has no proper publicist in place. Leslie Sloane-Zelnick, who got her through years of scandals, is off the case. Spears' record company publicist, Gina Orr, doesnít respond to emails or calls.
If Britney is unhappy with Rudolph, itís likely that she canít do much about it, especially with that contract. But after her divorce, all her rehab expenses and her constant nights on the town at pricey L.A. restaurants like Koi or The Bridge ó sheís been spotted picking up the bill at both places recently ó Spears had better get back to work. And just an album wonít cut it. Sheís got to figure out a way to tour. Itís the only way left to make money in what was once known as the music business.
If Brit has indeed cut her ties to Larry Rudolph (again), it may a sign that she is finally on the road to recovery and is of sound and stable mind. We understand the man's last name is Rudolph, but there is just no excuse for naming your company ReignDeer Management. Although it did make us remember The Real World's musical sensation Reign Dance, so that's something.
You know the drill: Find Britney looking hot at MrSkin.com.
