We are frankly getting a little bit tired of following the minutia of the life of Britney Spears. We can recreate every outfit she wore in the month of July in watercolor form, complete with a helpful stain guide that gives us a fairly accurate idea of what went into her mouth while she donned each ensemble. But it's a slow gossip day, and the masses they love Brit Brit like Pete Doherty loves a pipe, so we must press on. In today's installment, Brit has a fender bender, hires a new manager, and helps out the hair and makeup folks at Allure by removing her shirt. It does get in the way of the weavedryer.
We're pretty sure that if we compiled every word we've ever written about Britney, fleshed it out a little bit with all the details we weren't able to cover that still float around in our head, dislodging things like the Pythagorean theorem and the correct booze-to-tonic ratio in a gin and tonic, we would have a tome about the length of Infinite Jest, with slightly fewer footnotes. And yet where has all this diligent research gotten us? We have yet to sell even one of our extremely lifelike Britney Spears voodoo dolls. We've never appeared on E! or VH1 as a highly qualified Britney expert. Anywhoo, for those of you who still have a teensy tinsy little speck of caring in your cold, cold hearts, here's the haps on the Brit. Britain's Daily Mail tells us that Brit is a terrible parker, but an awesome pouter:
The troubled star was pulling into an empty space when she hit the vehicle – a silver Mercedes station wagon – while visiting a Hollywood pharmacy.After eventually scraping past, she then let her door swing out, hitting the car again.
She wasn't injured, but left minor scratches on both vehicles.
Neither of her children, Sean Preston, 22 months, and Jayden, 11 months were in her black convertible at the time of the incident.
TMZ dishes on Brit's new doomed-to-fail manager:
TMZ has learned that Britney Spears has finally succumbed — to the notion of having legit management! Britz has hired uber-manager Jeff Kwatinez to help resurrect her dying career. Nurse! Code Blue!We're told Kwatinetz, CEO of The Firm, one of Hollywood's most powerful agencies, is eager to get his hands on a charity case — and Britney's a case, for sure. If he can pull off an image revamp for the trashtastic poptart, he'll be considered a hero in Hollywood … and considered for sainthood by the Vatican! Good luck to him. Bring your own Taser!
As TMZ first reported, Kelly Clarkson axed Kwatinetz to hire Reba McEntire's manager/husband Narvel Blackstock. The Firm reps such stars as Leo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Mandy Moore, Korn, Enrique Iglesias and Ice Cube.
We're pretty sure we've come across the name Narvel Blackstock before, likely as an evil, scheming butler in a trashy murder-mystery novel we bought at CVS.
Oh, and lastly, Brit gets naked. And there weren't even cameras around, that we know of (via A Socialite's Life):
After posing for the cover of Allure magazine, she failed to show up on several occasions for a sit down interview with the publication, it has been revealed. The Editor in Chief Linda Wells writes: "I thought we could present the profile as her comeback. Britney showed up for Allure's cover shoot on time and ready to work."She was entirely unselfconscious: She took off her wig and then stripped down to the waist, for no apparent reason, before sitting for hair and makeup."
Thus far there have been no reports of Britney mistaking the salon chair for a toilet and taking a dump while her false eyelashes were being applied, so we're going to count this particular photo shoot as a win for Team Spears.
Britney. Sexy. MrSkin.com.
