At Least She Remembers to Feed Them

Shocker of the day: Britney Spears feeds her kids total crap. The girl has been subsisting on artificial cheese product and aspartame for at least ten years now; did you think she was really going to serve her kids kale and quinoa? Plus, the baby-food aisle is really far from the chip aisle at Ralph's, and Brit's usually in a hurry.

We've had plenty of evidence in the past two years that Britney isn't exactly Mary Poppins (and we've strongly suspected that she's not even as good of a mom as Tatum O'Neal), but now Us Weekly brings us more proof.

The tooth fairy may be making early visits to 22-month-old Sean. “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider tells Us.

Another source says that, in April, Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

The bizarre behavior doesn’t stop there. Spears and her kids became high-end squatters July 22, when they toured – then took over for several hours – a Pacific Palisades home, on the market for $6.5 million.

Upon arrival, her bodyguard removed the FOR SALE sign, then went to her Beverly Hills home to fetch some of their belongings. The result was a home seller’s nightmare, with Spears and her kids trashing the house before money exchanged hands.

“She ate tacos on the bedroom floor!” a source says of the home. “She got crumbs and grease everywhere. She let her babies and her dog roam the floor. She left the bed a mess – I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

And according to Dlisted, the mag also claims that:

Britney feeds them Doritos and sodie pop

Britney gives them chewing gum

Britney gives them ice cream before bed, because the cold calms them

And Life & Style claims that Sean P has already landed his very first job: cigarette caddy. When Brit needs her smokes she asks:

Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?

and Sean waddles his toddler ass over to the pile of refuse (dog shit and empty chip bags and spent tubes of Vagisil, we're guessing) we assume they're perched atop and fetches them. Hey, a boy's gotta start somewhere. Maybe if he works really, really hard he can work his way up to Mommy's personal ass wiper (that is, if she finds that service necessary) then poon guard, always placing himself between the paps and Mommy's exposed snatch, and ultimately he'll hold the most coveted role in the Brit entourage, Taco Bell mule. Brit always treats the person who runs for the border with the utmost respect and admiration.

You know the drill. Britney. Hotness. MrSkin.com.