You probably think that in the realm of celebrity parentage, Lindsay Lohan wins the prize for most creepy and unstable papa. But if you were stuck in a room with him, Michael Lohan would probably just read you the poems he wrote for Lindsay and spout off about his devotion to God and how soon, he swears, Lindsay is planning on seeing the light and using her fame to help African orphans let Jesus into their hearts or some shit. Boring and annoying, but not really a threat to your safety. Jamie Spears, on the other hand, he'll cut you. One British reporter doesn't think that the elder Spears is the bet choice for Britney's conservator, mainly because Jamie once held him hostage with a big ass knife. He writes for The Daily Mail:
Certainly the Spears I met seven years ago at his isolated bungalow on a dirt road in rural Kentwood, Louisiana, didnít seem the most sensitive of souls. In a terrifying encounter that lasted four hours, Britneyís father subjected me to a hostile drunken monologue while refusing to let me leave.Every time I got up to go, he picked up a large carving knife and theatrically stabbed it into the wooden table at which we were sitting.
ëYou can sleep here,í he said. ëYou said you wanted to know what it was like being Britney.í
Two growling alsatians, a rottweiler and a man Spears claimed was a ëbodyguardí prowled the creaky back porch, which had been converted into a makeshift redneck bar complete with illuminated Budweiser sign, beer and whisky. An airgun lay in front of Spears.
He had been drinking heavily and was chewing Kodiak tobacco and showed me round the little house where Britney grew up while his ëbodyguardí cooked a huge iron pan of crayfish outside on a camping stove.
My bizarre encounter with the man who controls a pop empire took place in March 2002. Britney was still a fresh-faced 20-year-old but already a pop phenomenon.
I finally managed to escape after Jamie and his ëbodyguardí escorted me to a local bar, where he said they needed to buy more beer.
Hell, is that all? We think little Brit boy needs to stop whining and man up. He was in the South. As Brit has said, the Spearses are country. Had the reporter showed up wanting to take one of Jamie's daughters on a date, he would have gotten a shotgun barrel up his ass.
